i am starting to re-think about everything....EVERYTHING...
I had been talking about getting phd for so many times...and suddenly, a friend of mine throw me a question which made me took a step back and re-consider my decision..
"Do you really WANT to further your studies?"
I thought i would say "YES, SURE!"
But i couldn't answer my friend! I paused right there....and asked "why not?"...Suddenly, I realised I wasn't THAT keen on phd...Here i am, given a chance that most people are dying for...but I hesitated!
Then, everything flashed through my mind...I never wanted to study, I never liked to study...I thought of how I am "encouraged" to get my masters...and here i am, almost finishing it...with good grades...I wonder, if I hadn't continue this, I wouldn't have known I am capable of getting such a grade...
They said "Mum knows best"...maybe it's true, my mum does know me the best and she is trying to force me to give my best...but is this really what I want? Is this how I want my life to be? Is this....ME? Am I even living MY LIFE? or am I just living a life that other's want me to lead?
I am very sure if I were to continue my phd, I will certainly grad with a phd... but, I am tired of education...I HATE studying... I don't know if I am lazy or I just don't like to study... but why the hell did i get good grades if I don't like it?
Everyone told me " studying is better than working"
I would like to give my piece of mind about this statement...Those who said this certainly had fun in their colleges/unis...and the pressure from studies is certainly less compared to the fun they are having...isn't it? For me, studies involved a lot of barbarians and, of course, expectation from others... I still remember someone crying FOR me when they see my results... which i think my results is obviously OKAY...everyone congratulated me, but someone cried for me...
I am confused with what I want! Did I hate phd just because I feel like i am forced to do it? Or is it just pure laziness? very GOD DAMN confused!
my mum asked me if I wanted to continue phd and it is okay if I dont want to do it... (I feel her disappointment when i answered, I am not sure)...damn!
From now on, whoever god damn asked me this question, i am going to rip that person apart and shred him/her into unrecognisable bits with my bare hands! (I mean it, seriously)
My last god damn decision: go for *tut* phd only if it is fully funded...(end of discussion!)
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7 comments:
Time will tell... so Don't Worry Be Happy! I think u hate studies because we not there accompany u! haha! Just kiddin!
Or keep the studying going now while you still have the 'chance' and benefit from it later.
I plan on going back to university to do my Masters. Maybe even a Phd if I get that far. But I regret not continuing to go on and do the Masters, even though I was glad to quit studying after that.
My advice? No-one REALLY likes studying but get as much of it under your belt as you can BEFORE you start your career. And note the word 'career' - the more education you have, the further you can go.
Your options are good - the choices are yours =]
yhan: definitely missing frenz n family a lot
FM: yes, i know education is the ticket to better job prospect...even the basic salary starts according to level of education...but..
i dunno wat i want..the more people saying its good, the more i wanted to quit..
i know i am those who x like to follow majority...eventhough i know it's good..argh! this is wat driving me crazy.. i am just being rebellious! maybe the pressure?
hey Connie..i just came across ur blog through my sisters. How unlikely is that?
I js want to say that...it's not true for everyone that studying is better than work. Some people don't need to study to find their dream job. (so seriousy...screw that shit).
It's up to u...don't feel like ur disappointing anyone..coz whats worst is spending all those years studying aimlessly for something you don't enjoy and going into an industry that you won't like.
Maybe after your masters..take a break and just look at life..and figure out what you like best.
:) Hugs.
Good luck girl!
yeah...u actually voiced out my heart! thank you so much for ur support...
i really wanted to take a break, but time doesnt wait for anyone..i dun wana be 30 years old and still studying or even worse, just realise wat i want...
at the same time, i dont wana disappoint anyone with my decision...
thank you for ur support, luck and hugs!!!!
aww..U will always have someones support u in ur decisions.
U knw..i let age get in the way in my decisions too..but i really admire people that are still in school in their late 20 or 30's and most importantly..they are more intimidating..they are wiser and knw what they really want.
When I was working for 2 years in Malaysia a met a guy who has a PHD in Civil Engineering..He studied Europe. Anyways..he had no working experience..didnt really knw if he'd enjoy it..and he was a young chap. Although he's bright..it felt like he was a little aimless. Or maybe it's jz boys..they always seem more immature.
Do not worry about disappointing others...whats important is not Disappointing urself.
Decisions decisions.:)
I hate having to make them too..but I really hope the best for u.
when you are back..we'll talk about it k. ;) hugs
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