finally..

okay, my landlord bought a house and I helped them to move the stuff...including packing and unpacking...and i earned:

physically - a few bruises (arms, knees), muscle aches and one major bruise on the thigh due to a huge steel frame falling on me! darn...

financially - i had to pay 500pounds extra for the bills

mentally - the kid's annoying screams in my head all the time

I will be viewing a room today since I am particularly unhappy with the fact that they just say 'split the bills by half' and i have to pay half of it...I am not sure why the calculation turns out to be this way...they are a family of 3 and i am only an individual, why is it half? I guess biologist is not a good mathematician...

If they had mentioned that I have to pay half the bills earlier, i would have been happier... They told me not to worry about the bills until I had moved to the new house with them...and suddenly, I had to scoope out half of it...and three months costs 1000 over pounds for BILLS? I had never ever heard this much...unless you spent more than 16 hours at home!

Let's see...Monday to Friday :7am till 6pm for them and 7am till 10pm for me..
Sat and Sun: whole day and me (12 hours in the house since I went to my friend's place most of the time)

So, no matter what, the bills cant reach that much and I dont understand why I had to pay HALF..after my serious consideration, I am moving out into the city center where I dont have to look after kids, I can party, I can wake up late, I can stay up late, I have my own set of HOUSE KEY (thank god!) and most importantly I can online and blog....

Throughout these three months, I think I have had enough...of sickness from the kid:

1- sore throat 3 times ( each lasted 3 days or more)
2- fever (2 times - each for 3 days consecutive)
3- nose bleed (2 consecutive days)
4- puking (4 days)
5 - diarrhoea (4 days)
6- cough (2 times -one for 3 days and the other has been 4 days and still going)
7 - flu (for 2 weeks now)

Also, I had enough of cleaning, vaccuming, bleaching the floor, making entire week of lunch back for them (3 weeks I made for them), taking care of the kid.. Talking about taking care of the kid, I have a very good story : the parents are sick of the kid's screaming to seek attention so, they left him screaming like crazy and when they cant stand it anymore, they asked me to dress up the kid and take him out for a walk for at least an hour! (mind you, parents are 'programmed to love you no matter how ugly,bad, disgusting you are! and here, the parents cant stand him!)

So, I took him out for a walk and he was alright. when he reach home (after an hour of walk), he sat in the living room while the parents are watching movie. Since the kid is an attention seeker, he started screaming again, so the parents asked me to take him out to the garden while they watched movie. Imagine that!

I think my presence/help had been taken for granted and my wallet has been bleeding since I bought a lot of groceries for them as I thought I do not need to pay for the rent (it is a polite thing to do as I am not paying the rent, I pay for groceries..Now, I ended up having to pay for groceries AND the BILLs)..

So, the moral of the story is:

1- biologists arent good mathematicians (or caucasians' mathematics is not as good as chinese-money wise)

2- Dont you ever DARE to think that there are nice people left in this world who would be kind towards you and do not expect any return/favour from you

3- Dont accommodate/tolerate other people so much that you lost your senses

4- Dont stay with someone with a kid when you are trying to enjoy life-because you will definitelt feel 10 years older when you are living NEAR a kid

So, I am going to enjoy my life in the city center and party like any normal student should! GO GO GO!

decisions...

I planned to move out...yet, i dunno how to tell the landlord...I knew they really wanted me to stay with them, but I am afraid of the responsibility over the kid...I will be viewing a house later today, of course, without telling them....I am caught in the middle...

Staying with them is not such a bad thing, that is, if the kid is not there...I mean, the kid is not THAT annoying, but I really do not want to be chasing after a kid...Sometimes, I am on the phone with my mum and the parents were talking in the room..they left the kid walking up the stairs! I had to be the one chasing after the kid, so afraid that he will fall down! And whenever they look after the kid, i am the one cleaning the entire floor downstairs..placing all the tiny bits of toys to washing up all the dishes! Sometimes, I had to throw the diapers for them since both of them r busy with 'entertaining' the kid..

I dun mind doing all this for most of the time, but sometimes, when I dun feel like doing it, I HAD to force myself to do it...There r times when you just dun feel like washing up and you just dun feel like doing anything except watching some cartoons and stuffs...but, I can't! I can't just waste my day like that since the landlord is also the supervisor...

They watched news and serious stuffs...and guess what? their new year resolution is not to watch tv in the evening and do more work...I mean, how miserable can the life be??? Anyway, I dun want to be ranting anymore..let's wait for something better to come..

Connie the COW

Yes, as the title suggested, I am working like a COW...I had been up since 6am and I am still in uni now, which is 6.27pm...I am so tired since I still have not fully recovered. But I had no choice to do the experiments. I went to Birmingham University to conduct a small part of 'my' experiment and came back to Aston University and continue the other-unrelated experiment.

I am EXHAUSTED....Actually, I have to do one experiment for myself and the rest is for the BOSS...yep, the landlord...He went home early to take care of THE KID and I had to do his work! I think he took me for granted because he KEPT saying it is my experiment, my work when IT BLOODY isn't my work! I have nothing to do with microbiology or bacteria! I am dealing with tissues, cells and cancer-related stuff! WHAT the HELL?!

I would have been happier if he had told me frankly that he wanted me to HELP him...but not KEPT mentioning it is MY EXPERIMENT! Well, maybe I benefited from everything he asked me to do since I learnt a lot of new techniques which might be handy in the future...

Anyway, I think blogging in the uni is the best since I can have ABSOLUTE silence here! haha!

SICK!

Okay, life is going downhill for me....So much things to handle and I can't manage any of them.. I am down with lotsa puking, a night of high fever and now, every muscle aches...I haven't been eating since monday, coz no matter what I eat, it will come out the same way it goes in...It amazes me somehow coz I had an apple at 10am and i ended puking it around 7pm-undigested...hahha! Well, look at the bright side, I am losing weight...but i know, it is the water weight...maybe 200grams of fats? yippie!

As cheerful as I had made myself sounded, I don't FEEL the same way after all...I had to take care of THE KID and I actually got this fever-puking disease from him! DAMN that KID! GRRRRR! He had recovered fully but he is SO SO SO GOD DAMN ANNOYING! He is attention seeker, so he WAILED and SCREAMED (just imagine those noisy little punk you saw on train or in the shopping mall crying just to get something they want!)....I feel like kicking him in the face and tell him

"You know what? Life is not about crying and getting what you want...Life is about being kicked and STILL you don't get what you want."

Hey, I am not being evil here, my mum never gave in to our tantrums..We'll ended up being spanked until you shut the *tut* up....I believed my mum taught the right way since it is way too annoying to hear him SCREAMING over nothing EVERY SINGLE FUCKING MINUTE! He has to be with someone and that someone has to entertain him every single second! Talk about clowning...I am not spared from being a clown myself, so I guess I'll grad with a PhD in Clowning. I need to move out ASAP! I can't stand kid crying like that coz it is REALLY THE MOST ANNOYING THING!

He screamed when the food is still warming up-until he gets the food into his mouth
He screamed when is he bored and no one's playing with him
He screamed when his parents is talking to someone else and not him
He screamed every single time he wakes up
He screamed when he take bath
He screamed when he is irritated
and the winner is : he screamed over NOTHING!

I remember telling everyone I knew that I really hated kids screaming and of coz, I only like kids who talked a lot and seems to be able to play on his/her own..Well, maybe just blame on my biological clock...I am not the mother material yet...I am still a STUDENT, yearning for life without heavy responsibility...

one more bad news, my backache is back due to carrying him around...GRRR! he is so heavy! I had been trying to avoid carrying him for a few days now...On monday, I had to take care of him when his parents are at work! I am a nanny as well...I can't stand this responsibility anymore.. I need to break free!

Run, Connie, RRUUUNNNNN~~~ I don't wana wake up 5am and returning home 10pm...I had enough...It is either a relaxing PhD or I am not gonna finish my PhD here!

decision

This is my phd life decision....I am actually staying with my phd supervisor and his wife (and THE KID)...and I am still finding my accommodation... I had a hard time getting one, so my supervisor suggested that I should stay with them for the rest of the time.. well, possibly until something happen and both of us quarrel at the uni and I will be kicked out of the house, perhaps...

So, I do not know whether I should accept his offer. What do you guys think? First of all, I can't skip any of the weekdays since I stay with him! If i went clubbing and got a hangover, I wouldn't want to turn up to uni and I'll just give some excuse of being sick or whatsoever...However, if i am staying with him, I can't possibly do that, can I?

But staying with them means a safe place for me...Since this place is a expensive area, the crime rate would be so much lower and I had no problem walking home late. But, in contrast, I can't party, and I HAVE to GIVE UP my party life! UGH...What should I do? I had viewed a few houses and they are all in really bad condition...This is the toughest decision I'll have to make....

And I went to view a house with a Pakistani landlord...he was a bit FLIRTY and asked me out for DINNER! He called every other day eversince I went to see his house! But I wont be staying with him, I'll be staying near him (a few streets away)...I am scared he might have the spare key to my room and I wonder if I'll have to castrate him at some point...He is in his mid 40's and he is single! So, I think of that place as a HUGE NO-NO!

Well, let me know what you guys think, okay? I need some suggestions...

BACK!

Yes, I am BACK! Very alive but full of headaches...I had decided to go for PhD and the problem is that I am here, but I do not have permanent accommodation! I had to wake up around 5am in the morning and arriving home at 6pm or 7pm mostly...It's not due to the distance, but due to the owners.. I had to get out when they get out and come back when they finished their job...I am desperately looking for a decent room, near my university but DEFINITELY not STUDENT ACCOMMODATION with UNDERGRADS...well, I am kind of sick having to clean the house and seeing them partying when I CANT party~

Well, basically, everything is good at university and I am actually involved in Cancer cells research..I had never really done this before, so I had to pick up the techniques within a month so that I can be independent enough to do stuff on my own... Ugh, while dealing with the house, I had to do another project for my supervisor coz he is busy...at the same time, I am asked to vomit a literature review by next monday and I obviously had no time to do that! DARN!

I am staying with a 15 months kid and it was okay during the daytime but when he wakes up at 3am in the morning, IT IS HELL...Anyway, I am pretty much alive and will be updating my blog...if the kid is not disturbing....lucky for me, I have billions of cousins and I am pretty much used to the kid-atmosphere (aka noise)

doubting myself, my decision, my faith...and my obedience...

i am starting to re-think about everything....EVERYTHING...

I had been talking about getting phd for so many times...and suddenly, a friend of mine throw me a question which made me took a step back and re-consider my decision..

"Do you really WANT to further your studies?"

I thought i would say "YES, SURE!"

But i couldn't answer my friend! I paused right there....and asked "why not?"...Suddenly, I realised I wasn't THAT keen on phd...Here i am, given a chance that most people are dying for...but I hesitated!

Then, everything flashed through my mind...I never wanted to study, I never liked to study...I thought of how I am "encouraged" to get my masters...and here i am, almost finishing it...with good grades...I wonder, if I hadn't continue this, I wouldn't have known I am capable of getting such a grade...

They said "Mum knows best"...maybe it's true, my mum does know me the best and she is trying to force me to give my best...but is this really what I want? Is this how I want my life to be? Is this....ME? Am I even living MY LIFE? or am I just living a life that other's want me to lead?

I am very sure if I were to continue my phd, I will certainly grad with a phd... but, I am tired of education...I HATE studying... I don't know if I am lazy or I just don't like to study... but why the hell did i get good grades if I don't like it?

Everyone told me " studying is better than working"

I would like to give my piece of mind about this statement...Those who said this certainly had fun in their colleges/unis...and the pressure from studies is certainly less compared to the fun they are having...isn't it? For me, studies involved a lot of barbarians and, of course, expectation from others... I still remember someone crying FOR me when they see my results... which i think my results is obviously OKAY...everyone congratulated me, but someone cried for me...

I am confused with what I want! Did I hate phd just because I feel like i am forced to do it? Or is it just pure laziness? very GOD DAMN confused!

my mum asked me if I wanted to continue phd and it is okay if I dont want to do it... (I feel her disappointment when i answered, I am not sure)...damn!

From now on, whoever god damn asked me this question, i am going to rip that person apart and shred him/her into unrecognisable bits with my bare hands! (I mean it, seriously)

My last god damn decision: go for *tut* phd only if it is fully funded...(end of discussion!)